Author Watch: Melanie Surani on Love, Life and Pompadours

Today thelisas pop quiz up-and-coming contemporary fiction author         Melanie Surani on work, play and the whereabouts of Rocky & Bullwinkle.

Thelisas: Tell us the process of writing and publishing your recent short suspense, The Morning After.

Melanie: The Morning After took years to write. When I started, I hadn’t developed a method of how to get through a story–it was more a haphazard “let’s see where this goes,” and ended up going nowhere. After deserting the story for a long time, I got it back out as something to do while an acquaintance was studying. She gave me a spark of an idea that pulled the whole story together, and I finished it at about 20,000 words (not an easy sell). After unsuccessfully trying to market a novella, I shaved it down to a short story, attracted the attention of Untreed Reads, and became their #3 bestseller for December.

Thelisas: Congratulations! Is this your first published piece? Do you have anything else in the works?

Melanie: I had 2 other (very) short stories published in little online ‘zines, but this is the first one I’ll be paid for. My next big project is a mystery series about a woman battling past demons, a new love, and lots of danger and excitement. Since it’s also a bit shorter than a traditional novel, I will probably pursue self-publishing.

Thelisas: We know your creativity isn’t limited to writing, as you have a background in art and are currently pursuing a cosmetology career in New York City. What other hidden talents do you have?

Melanie: The cosmetology career is well underway! Graduated with honors at Arrojo Cosmetology, and was hired by the owner to work in his professional salon in the same building. Other hidden talents might include getting strange animals to approach me, sneaking up on people and/or disappearing (like a ninja), and imitating accents.

Thelisas: Then perhaps you know of the squirrel and moose, comrade? Do tell about your adventures in globe-trotting. Having lived in a variety of locales gives you a unique perspective that is certainly reflected in your stories. There’s even a rumor you’ve become a German citizen – what’s up with that?

Melanie: I guess I get bored easily, so for the past decade, I’ve put myself in some interesting situations. I went to Germany for a month with college (language course), and fell in love with the country. A year later, I went to Canada and fell in love with a boy. Since then, I’ve lived in Toronto, Memphis, Philadelphia, and New York with plans of visiting Europe and Turkey soon. Part of “traveling” when I’m unable to go anywhere involves trying new cuisine and rocking out to European/Indian/etc music on my iPod.

And the rumors are true! I just received my German passport — through some lucky sequences of events in my family history, I’ve been German my whole life without realizing it. If I had known, I wouldn’t have left the country when I went with my class, and then wouldn’t have met my husband … so it’s better this way.

Thelisas: Indeed. In the spirit of thinking big (film right acquisitions to our perspective novels): Favorite movie of all time and why?

Melanie: I love a lot of movies, but I always go back to Metropolis from 1926. It was never an ordinary movie for me. The first copy I saw was a poorly presented public domain DVD I bought for about $5. The plot didn’t make a whole lot of sense, but the visuals were a real treat. After some research, I found out that after its release, the film was truncated, and the plot veered into some strange territory because it did so poorly at the box office. So, I tracked down the novel it was based off of, and it was a whole new experience. The characters made sense, missing scenes put others into perspective, and most of all, it was how the movie was supposed to have been seen (the director’s wife wrote the novel at the same time the movie was being made).

Throughout the years, pieces of “missing” scenes have been found in various film museums around the world and plugged back where they belong. Now that the film has been restored to almost its full length (and with the correct plot), I feel like it hasn’t just been a nice movie, but something lovely I witnessed being rebuilt.

On the complete other side of the spectrum, I also liked Office Space because for about a decade of my life, I felt exactly like the main character: banging my head against the wall because I hated my job (but every time the copy machine said “PC LOAD LETTER” I had to chuckle).

Thelisas: We’ve had a sneak preview of your novel in progress and it incorporates some aspects of both of those themes. (Readers should know that Melanie was “silent when silent wasn’t cool.” That is to say before the movie “The Artist” made a splash on the academy award nomination list.) 

Thanks, Melanie, for introducing yourself and your work. We wish you much success in all your many ventures. Happy travels – don’t forget to write!

Also Known As: Pseudonyms – Not Just for Sparing Embarrassment Anymore!

The Lisas plan to use a pseudonym for our children’s books. This decision came after a long hard look at this blog. Or rather a short, quick peek. It’s peppered with language – some of it even English – and more than inappropriate, it’s deadly dull for bright young minds. They much prefer funny jokes, for instance.

Soon after debating a variety of pen and pet names, A.M. Knott randomly popped into Michigan Lisa’s head. The initials are for our middle names: Attila and Mimsy. The name has the added benefit of being the perennial answer one of our favorite childish phrases: “Are so.”

Yes, we were tempted to swap the ‘o’ for a ‘u’ to so we could be A. M. Knutts, pronounced to rhyme with Chicken Butts. Yes, we can (and do) think of stuff like this hour after hour, day after day, year after year.

Which is why we need to channel our brain waves into kids books instead of juvenile delinquency. (To be followed by books for grown ups with some slightly adult delinquency.) After studying many (at least three) admirable, brazen pioneers of the publishing industry who’ve gone before us, we are mere baby steps away from taking the giant leap to go indie, putting our middle grade novel, Catnapped out there as an ebook all by our little bitty selves. Sorry, one of us seems to be channeling Traxter Baxter, the occasionally snarky young cat-boy hero of our book.

If you don’t hear much from us in the next couple of weeks, fear not, it isn’t because we are stuck in a cave in Afghanistan, but because we are working out the kinks of formatting, readying brilliant cover art, and developing another author webpage. As it happens, we do some of our best work in caves.

As adults who read way too much middle grade fiction, especially considering how far our kids are past that stage, we promise we won’t tell if you are curious to peek at our work. We won’t tell if you download and read Catnapped. We won’t tell if you leave a review under the name “Knott It” or even “B. Cauzi Sedso” …But if somehow word gets out, you can bet our tails will be a-wagging. And we mean that in a happy-dog sort of way, (no offense to our feline friends). But do stop us if we start to purr, it could get embarrassing.

In Order to Form a More Perfect Union: Scenario Input Needed

Thelisas are working on several projects and one of them has us a little stymied. So we’d like to pick the brains of our brilliant readers. Our work-in-progress, title acronym HSOTI, features a loving husband and wife who, after being married for over twenty years, are starting a new chapter in their lives. But they hit a snag.

The question is what kind of dilemma to put in their path. We know tension is crucial to a story. What we are trying to decide is the right level. It’s tricky to give y’all enough information without creating major plot spoilers. In a nutshell:

Scenario #1  Reconciliation of singular, long-past incident of infidelity: inspirational or unforgivable?

Scenario #2 Disproved allegations of infidelity: satisfying or simplistic?

P.S.  Main thing we’re looking for is whether you, as a reader, prefer characters who are thrown into more dramatic situations that may be difficult to overcome in real life, or characters who meander a bit into more light hearted circumstances? Honestly, we’re not trying to make you choose between ‘frustrating or boring,’ (we try to avoid both in any case).

We’re pretty sure there’s no right or wrong answer, so it will be interesting to see how this survey goes. Feel free to expound on your thoughts. Who knows? Maybe we’ll come up with an entirely different option #3: nobody cheats anybody but Death and the tax man. Yup, we need help.

Say This, Not That

In the spirit of daylight savings thelisas have come up with a list: 10 Things You Should Never Say Unless You Have Time to Spare and Never Want to Run for Political Office

1.) Don’t tell me what’s in this drink, I like to be surprised!

2.) We don’t need to hire a handyman for that.

3.) So, when’s the baby due?

4.) Okey dokey, artychoky.

5.) You forgot to read me my Miranda rights.

6.) One more slice can’t hurt.

7.) They’re gonna test my blood donation, right?

8.) Where did that water come from?

9.) No problem, insurance will cover that.

10.) Pull my finger.

My Happy Place

Image via Wikipedia

Everyone should have a place they go when life is too stressful. A vision to indulge in while trapped in a traffic jam or a windowless meeting room. A shining beacon of hope for those weary of their children’s algebra classes. It doesn’t have to be realistic, in fact, that would spoil the fun.

Mine is a small cottage in England. The Cotwolds, I think. A high, vibrantly green hedge separates it from the country lane.  White roses tinged with pink arch over the door. The mellow stone of the house gleams in the sun. Inside there are whitewashed walls and thick beams in the low ceiling. The wide planks of the wooden floor are covered with a faded oriental rug. The furniture is a mix of priceless antiques and comfortably squishy sofas and armchairs.

The house is always perfect. There are never leaky faucets, or flooded basements. Mornings start with a pot of tea and a full English breakfast. (I mysteriously lose weight despite eating eggs and fried bread every morning.) I, of course, never lift a finger to cook or clean. Perhaps I have someone from the village who comes in to do the dirty work? Better still, I could go all Disney Princess and have kindly British animals make the bed while singing cheery songs in their squeaky, comically accented voices. A cadre of sweet little stoats sweeping and dusting and frying up my breakfast–overseen by a dignified badger as butler.

Most days, I travel to stately homes and gardens. My chauffeur (I call him Conrad) picks me up after breakfast. “Good Morning, mum,” he says as he helps me into my 1936 Rolls Royce Phantom III Sports Saloon. I settle into the plush seat, setting my jaunty cap at a more becoming angle and smoothing down my tweed skirt.  Although on particularly beautiful days, Conrad would be behind the wheel of my ’38 Bugatti Type 57 Stelvio Cabriolet with the convertible top down. On those occasions, I wear a crisp linen dress, a chic scarf wrapped around my head, and enormous sunglasses. I look stunning.

The gardens I visit are always in the peak of their blooms and there are never hordes of tourists in the houses. I occasionally indulge in a light flirtation with the aristocratic owner who just happens to be at home on the day I visit. He  is captivated by my brash American ways.

After Conrad drives me home, I toddle down to the local pub, the Red Dragon. I drink a pint or two before heading home to sleep in my downy bed.

Another perfect day in paradise. Somebody pass the clotted cream and polynomial calculator.

The Florida Connection

MIL (Mich. Lisa):   Recently, FLL (Florida Lisa)moved into her brand new villa. That’s what folks down in Florida call it anyway–in Michigan it would be called a duplex. This confusing language/culture barrier gives her an excellent excuse for not blogging. I have lived in the same house for the past sixteen years (and the same state all of my 29 years), I’ve got no excuse.

…Unless it is the huge amount of time I spend fending off Florida Lisa’s attempts to get me to go to Florida. She is my bff. I do want to see her. But I prefer it if she comes back to Michigan.

FLL:  To be fair, I did visit Michigan in mid-September. The weather was beautiful for most of one day. Take it up with Ma Bell and Bill Gates – if it weren’t for telecommunications I’m not sure I could have made the move. But knowing I can video chat with Regis Philbin, er,  buddies at the drop of a hat is fabulous. But scary. You see, in FL clothing is not optional, it’s ridiculous. It’s too damn hot for clothes and they’re soggy in five minutes anyway. A towel is optional. Skype at your own risk.

MIL:  …For starters, there is the pesky fight-or-flight issue. I need two gin and tonics and a powerful sedative just to consider stepping on to an airplane. 

FLL:  That’s while it’s on the ground. Upon take-off there are restraints–to keep other passangers from throwing her off.

MIL:  And when I get there? From our non-visual phone conversations, I glean there is a tropical treasure trove in store for me:

• massive, albit elusive, poisonous toads
• massive, super-sticky, toad-proof slugs
• “Palmetto Bugs” aka cockroaches
• fire ants
• humidity one can slice like pie
• exotic snakes thriving in the primeval wild
• native snakes, too!
• ‘gators
• geckos that “get in everywhere”

Leaping lizards would be cute only the first ten times I found one in the house. Florida Lisa assures me she has yet to see a spider. Hah! I’ve been to Florida. I’ve seen spiders the size of my hand. I could hear them they were so big. I think you’re holding out on me since you know that is my big daddy long legs of phobias and the slightest hint of a spider in your duplex, sorry, villa, would mean I would never, ever visit.

FLL:  There was a microscopically small dead one in the shower yesterday. What can I say? Toads, snakes and geckos are tricky to housebreak.

MIL:  And yet I will be heading down there. Right after hurricane season.

FLL:  Hurricane season is May – April. See you soon, Regis, er, pen-pal!

BOX OF ROCKS Hits Readers

Thelisas enjoy frolicking about the internet reading other blogs. On our way to the kitchen, by way of the laundry room, sidetracked by “what did I come in here for?” we often wander over to  Telega Tales. Karla Telega’s humorous vignettes always elicit a laugh.

When we ambled over and saw that her book Box of Rocks was now available, we had to spread the word. Now, thelisas have enough trouble with phones and computers. We haven’t yet leapt into the brave new world of e-readers, so we are going to wait for the paperback edition–which we hear is coming soon. But, if you have one of those new-fangled fancy machines, check it out. Tell her we sent you. Then tell her to remind us why we we’re standing the garage. There must be a reason, right?

Envy Rears Its Ugly Green Head, We Chop It Off

Thelisas know the seven deadly sins. 1Lisa invented three of them. They are wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy and gluttony. Also known as our to-do list.

We’re exploring fun new ways to combine these everyday vices. Take envy and greed, for example. Separate badnesses, sure - but together? Pure evil! As pleased as we are in what we’ve accomplished so far (not in poetry), we can’t be content until we meet Nora Roberts and take her crown. Actually snatch it off her nicely coifed head. And, yes, we do mean metaphorically because we’re pretty sure she has bodyguards and attack dogs. Just kidding, Ms. Roberts, J. D. Robb, or whoever you are.

Moreover we can’t be content with one book, one series or even one genre. We want it all and we want it as soon as possible, please. (Curse our polite Midwestern manners, they really hold us back from a good rant.)

Cue slothfulness! Cue rage! What? What do you mean rage isn’t in the top seven? What idiot made that list? Oh yeah? Okay. We’re fairly sure the Vatican doesn’t follow this blog yet, but we apologize in advance. It was TOL (The Other Lisa)’s fault.

Finally, we’d be remiss if we didn’t take note that we’ve made drastic changes to our 101st revised edition of our women’s fiction novel (formerly Will Steal for Shoes), currently titled Worth Lying For. Our protagonist, Mary, has gone from rebel without a cause to saint with a crooked halo. Personally, 1Lisa can no longer relate to her, but we believe in our grinchy little hearts that less evil readers will now cheer even louder for her speedy release. We have our never-wrathful critique partners: LS, MS & LW to thank for beating us over the heads if this new break from unpublished jail works. We’d like to believe Mary will get time off for good behaivor.

Unlike us.

Oh, The Things You Will Say! A Seussian Tweet

 O the things u will say in your pithist way with 100+40 short strokes! Hashtags be bold; numbers r gold, else you will just fade away #win

Writing Workshop Do and Don’t (Especially Don’ts)

As mentioned in our last post, Florida Lisa attended a children’s writing workshop in June. She regaled TOL (The Other Lisa) with the high and low lights. (Actually, the only highlight was that at lunch nobody wanted their Red Delicious apples and she collected several to eat later, alone in her hotel room.)

“I only made a fool out of myself once or twice, that I am aware of,” I hedged. ”Really though, you know your memory is shot when you wonder if you remembered to check yourself out in the mirror  the moment you step out of the ladies room. So the additional possible passive faux pas factor was quite high. The way people were avoiding me I suspect the back of my dress may have been tucked into my underwear.”

“I notice you are not telling me your actual indiscretions,” TOL said.

“So much shame.”

“How bad can it be?” she countered.

“I did get a compliment on the dress I wore.”

“That’s not bad, is it?”

“You would think it would be a good thing. I was dressed to impress. I told you I shopped for two days looking for the perfect outfit, right?”

“No.”

“Well I did. And still I found  nothing. I whined to my neighbor who told me she had just the thing. It was indeed the perfect dress, so long as I wore my most uncomfortable retaining undergarments. But I digress. I decided that since I was having no luck stalking and attacking the specific editors on my list – I made dossiers, I told you that part, right?”

“No,” TOL said warily.

“I studied their profiles like a serial killer.”

“That may have been your first mistake. You’re a lunatic.”

“That’s a given. I couldn’t seem to take down my target audience, but I had two other speakers cornered – quite literally, they were behind a table in a corner. Having no idea what to say I think I said, “Hi, nice to meet you.” The female agent (who shall remain nameless) said, very sweetly, “I like your dress.” To which I replied, in a conspiritorial whisper, “Thank you. I borrowed it from my neighbor.”

“You could have stopped at ’Thank you’ or tried ’This is my first conference, so I didn’t know what to wear’–that might have started a conversation.”

“I could have said a lot of things, but I did not. I shuffled away like a homeless person with mental issues. No,  I believe that is an insult to to the housing-challenged community. I grinned and wrung my hands for awhile and then eventually shuffled away. It’s bound to have made a lasting impression, don’t you think? Next conference I’m going to dye my hair and wear capris. Better yet, you take the next one.”

“I’m so looking forward to it. Do you mind if I don’t mention you’re my co-author?”

“I think it would be better if you didn’t.”

“Agreed.”

So remember, boys and girls, the best way to approach a writing workshop is to come prepared to show and tell, but not about your borrowed wardrobe or secret stalking tendencies. Also be willing to learn. Florida Lisa learned it’s a good thing we already have an agent. And that it would be very easy to sneak in instead of paying; nobody checks IDs.