Being a detailed account of our heroines’ foolhardy mission to edit their WIP in one short weekend.
SAT OCT 17
8:00am Lisa deposited by resigned husband at Lisa’s house
8:05am On the road to Nowhere Lake
8:36am Lisas arrive; overwhelming smell of cow manure wafting across Nowhere Lake.
8:37am Considering lunch options. Harsh Realization 1: neither Lisa remembered bread
8:38am Harsh Realization 2: neither Lisa remember to bring thesaurus or dictionary
8:39am Lisa attempts to crack neighbor’s encoded wifi in face of desperate need for dictionary/thesaurus.com. Fail.
8:40am – 12:58pm Working conditions primitive, heat sporadic, only managed to edit 17 of 198 pages
12.58pm Break for breadless lunch
1:40pm Back to editing
2:23pm Temperature in cottage finally reaches 60. Huzzah!
2:48pm Lisa viciously accuses Lisa of being a “word sucker” for deleting more words than adding. (nb: Term word sucker muttered in sullen undertones for rest of day)
3:06pm Harsh Realization 3: huge swathes of text need to be completely changed
3:07pm Harsh Realizition 3.5: Difficult to edit book when it is Nowhere. Close. To. Being. Done.
4:58pm Lisas get ugly over semantics. Shrill voices probably heard across the lake
7:25pm Break for local pizza run.
8:15pm Back to editing
8:36pm Lisa angrily claims Lisa has changed all her best stuff
9:34pm One of the Lisas (who shall remain numberless) breaks down, claiming book sucks and all is for naught. Other Lisa must use happy voice to maintain calm.
9:40pm Harsh Realization 4: need untold hours/pages of work just to finish enough to try and edit again. There is still so much to do. What were we thinking? Slightly hyperventilating Lisa panics again.
10:36pm Lisas exhausted by day of unbridled editing. Only 66 pages edited, but must sleep.
SUN OCT 18
7:26am Lisa rises refreshed and wakes up grumpier Lisa
7:30-9:30am Breakfast consumed, showers taken, make-up slathered. World situation discussed.
9:30am Back to editing.
10:15am Harsh Realization 5: we may not have the writing chops we always believed we had.
12am Leftover pizza and diet coke break
12:30pm Indulge in paraffin wax treatments. Lisas are unable to turn pages due to wax covered, mitted hands.
12:45pm Wax catastrophe barely avoided as wax hardens on cold feet and is impossible to remove
1:30pm Lisa says, “Goodbye sweet words” every time she deletes words. Lisa wants to strangle her
1:31pm-3:30pm Lisa barely refrains from friendicide as Lisa whines about everything
3:30pm-4:15pm Got through 100 pages. Clean up, pack up, head home. Running late as usual.