Why Our Mid-Life Crises Suck

The Lisas suspect that other people are having fuller and more enriching mid-life crises than we are. While pondering our main character’s response to her own crappy crisis, we googled about a bit.  We discovered that we indeed are as one with many forty-something women around the nation.

Do we, deep in our hearts,  increasingly question the value of the things we have achieved? Check.

Do we suffer from fatigue, boredom, irritability and self-doubt? Aren’t enough checks in the world to cover those, sister.

Do we spend more time daydreaming or fantasizing? Ha! We think we can get a book published; there is no end to our rich fantasy life.

Use alcohol and food more? We think “use” is such a harsh and judgmental term.

Just as we felt ourselves to be in total solidarity with our sad compatriots, we got to the last point in the article.  Some women apparently get involved in relationships with men younger than themselves in an effort to feel more vibrant and deny their own aging. We can’t help but wonder:

Really?! Are there indeed a lot of young hunks out there with overwhelming interest in forty-something ladies? Do they like the gentle swell of burgeoning double chins? The pear-shaped torsos? Maybe it’s the wrinkled capris with the waistband sitting firmly where the waist once was. Combined with tennis shoes and ankle socks, and a nice cotton top from Sears, we think that’s a look that says, “Hey, baby.”

Do these youthful men yearn to trace the wrinkles extending in crow’s feet from our eyes? Or smooch on the lips which have deeply engraved lines extending in lip-stick filled trenches up to our nostrils? Do they long to find out just what happens when our gravity defying brassieres are removed?

Frankly, we think not. When we read this, we laughed so hard we almost lost our hard-earned bladder control. It’s not as though we even want to have adulterous affairs, but we don’t want to miss out on any aspect of our well-deserved mid-life crises. We are paying for them with insomnia, aforementioned bladder issues, and hair sprouting in places no hair has sprouted from before. We want them to be all they can be.

Note to Handsome and Youthful Men who feel Touched in their Hearts by our moving blog:  The Lisas remain firmly committed to monogamy. If you are looking for a frisky relationship with a woman whose multiple pregnancies have left her abdomen loose enough that even gentle activity causes it to swing around like a separate entity with a life of its own, you will have to look elsewhere. Sorry.

P.S. TOL (The Other Lisa) speaks for herself – call me

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16 responses to “Why Our Mid-Life Crises Suck

  1. Who has the energy for an affair?? Personally, I’m excited when anyone in my family takes the recycles out without me asking them to do it.

  2. Absolutely, Emily! Unless they are leading deeply secret double lives, most of the women I know are thinking about IRA contributions and college funds, not illicit romance.

  3. Oh my gosh! If I wasn’t half-way there before, your exacting use of the English language in depicting Mid-Life has sent me into a free fall toward despair! Wow! You really are good.

  4. You are affecting my ability to deal with the aforementioned bladder control issue! And hey, what’s the deal with describing my outfit from last weekend!

  5. I was looking in a mirror when I described the outfit… but which of us hasn’t been there?

  6. You know, last weekend, the produce guy (kid) said “hey there, gorgeous” to me. I assumed it meant he was under 21 and was hoping to find someone to buy him beer. Affair? Really? Having an affair means I’d have to wear uncomfortable underwear and do more laundry. How is that fun and youthful?

    • young & firm…I’m thinking any produce dude making flirty commentary in my direction would be talking about my melons – literally, cantaloupe

  7. I can’t imagine anything that would make me feel less youthful than a fling with a younger man. Cause, really, I don’t want to compare myself against anything young and firm.

  8. Ha ha ha ha ha!!! You almost lost me at “Hey Baby” because I was laughing so hard that I nearly fell out of my chair. Good thing that I took care of that little bladder control issue or that would have been a problem too. My God – you are a genius and you don’t even realize it. Or maybe you do, Baby.

    • My only worry is that this blog has awakened the inner cougar in the Other Lisa. I’m all for empowerment, but I don’t think we’re cougar material. At most we have inner red pandas, which might be best left sleeping.

  9. Cougars – rawr!!!

  10. Pingback: Midlife Revisited: Not Enough Wine in the World « Lisa & Lisa Write a Book

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  12. OMG, how’d I miss this one? Absolutely hilarious.

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