Yes, we try to purposely confuse keep our readers on their toes with our jib jab, rapid fire wit. But today we’re not here at all. We’re HERE instead. But never fear, we’ve left you in good hands!
Hello, my name is Amy and I’ll be your guest blogger for today.
See, the Lisas and I, we’re tight. So tight that we decided to trade blogs for a day – just like Freaky Friday but better. More sarcasm, hidden meanings and true genius. Who needs Disney?
I have to confess that, unlike the Lisas, I’m not an author, aspiring or otherwise. I’m the mother of three kids (in order, Eldest Son, Teenage Daughter and Youngest Son), married to her high school sweetheart and working as a librarian (that’s very astute of you – yes, I do work with The Other Lisa). I brake for squirrels, pedestrians and anyone who wants to clean my house.
That all being said, if I WERE to write a book, I know exactly what I’d write about. I would write about the things I lost over the years, and, more important, over the last few months.
It wouldn’t be Literary Fiction (The Other Lisa says that you have to capitalize that genre. It’s a rule). No, Literary Fiction would be symbolic, full of angst and meaning. Being “Lost” in Literary Fiction would be about the epic struggle of people to have control over their lives. Loss of self, loss of youth, loss of control. Very deep indeed.
Nope, I would write a book of Literal Fiction. Literal Fiction would allow me to write about the fact that I’ve lost the ability to sleep through the night due to the loss of estrogen. It would be about the fact that I couldn’t find my stapler for three months because it was hidden on Youngest Son’s desk under a pile of papers because I’ve lost the ability to get my kids to clean their rooms. I could write about the fact that my packing tape disappeared and was never recovered (Eldest Son finally fessed up to the fact that he used all of it for a project. The entire roll).
I’d also throw in a chapter about things that I’ve lost that I didn’t realize were missing. For example, I finally realized that the reason that Teenage Daughter’s ears were so sparkly was because she had “borrowed” my diamond studs. For two weeks. I also didn’t realize that my master bathroom was being used so often. If my kids were home right now, it would be occupied.
My Literal Fiction book (let’s call it “What’s Mine Is Apparently Yours”) would also talk about the fact that my loss of income due to the recession sucks and I need to buy Eldest Son a car so that mine isn’t missing from the driveway so often. I could talk about the loss of bladder control but that might be TMI. Even non-authors have to have some discretion.
The Lisas write ‘Hen-Lit’ but this could be considered ‘Madder Than a Wet Hen-Lit’. It would appeal to Goths going through perimenopause and frustrated people everywhere.
On the other hand, I haven’t lost my sense of humor, nor have I lost my tummy from having three children.
I’ve also gained blogging as one of my very favorite-ist things. So, while we’re patiently waiting for the Lisas to be published, be sure to visit my blog Not Your Mother’s Weblog. A big thanks to the Lisas for playing Freaky Friday with me.