Smart Phone, Dumb User

We Lisas like to consider ourselves twenty-first century women. It makes us sound young and fresh. And besides, only one of us has a bathroom big enough to accommodate petticoat hoops. So we cheerfully waved the 1900’s goodbye, if not good riddance, to usher in the millennium, faces to the sun, high on hope and full of expectation.

That was ten years ago. Ten very long, somewhat boring, occasionally terrifying years. We were full of something alright, but beware: expectations will bite you in the bloomers every time.

Here’s the thing, it’s not like we have any desire to go back to the horrors of dial-up internet or sticky-keyed manual typewriters. We own and use computers – notebooks and netbooks even (although one of us has to share with family members) and by and large technology is our friend. But there are certain things that elude us, for any, or all, of the following reasons: we’re old-fashioned, lazy, lacking in abilities or just plain skinflint.

Because we talk to each other on the phone for hours every week, you would think we would be oh so au courant with the most modern of telephonic equipment. Au contraire, mon frere/ma soeur.

#1 Lisa cannot manage more than the absolute basics when it comes to cell phones. It took several years to convince her that the voice mail feature was indeed operational, and several more years before she discovered her password. She has yet to retrieve a message.

Mostly we stick to land lines. And we have a system that is entirely primitive and somewhat embarrassing. We are only sharing this information in the hope that it will allow readers to feel better about their own shortcomings. Neither of us has – are you sitting down? – caller ID. It goes without saying that we don’t have call waiting either. There are probably a multitude of other features we don’t have that we’re not even aware exist. Have they invented a way to fax food yet? Can food be texted? If so, I’m pretty sure we’ll spring for those options, regardless of cost and carpal tunnel damage.

As you can see by our banner photo, proudly displayed at the top of our blog, we don’t object to the tin can method of communication to keep long distance costs down. But here’s our regular, rather pathetic normal telephone method:

#1Lisa has unlimited long distance, B.Lisa does not. B.Lisa will call, let the phone ring once or twice and then hang up. #1Lisa will not pick up, but will instead call her back. Cleverly, we call it The Bat Signal.

It’s almost genius really. Except for a few minor glitches, such as the fact that #1Lisa is convinced there are government agents monitoring her phone and other gremlins determined to keep the Lisas from their appointed seven-hours-at-a-time conversations, it saves B.Lisa a lot of money. Hmm.

We are, however, open to suggestions. If you think you know of a better, cheaper, faster system whereby we can waste long periods of time debating the state of the state, union, housing market, economy, publishing trends, dinner plans, our wardrobes and other matters of national security, we love to hear it. Give us a call – just be sure to hang up after the second ring or you will pay, in more ways than one.

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21 responses to “Smart Phone, Dumb User

  1. Ahhh…I miss spending hours talking on the phone with a friend! Seems like nobody I know wants to do that – in fact, they’d rather communicate by email. Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE email, but I do miss a good old gab on the phone, whether it be cell or “old fashioned” one.

    Speaking of old fashioned phones, do you ever notice how people still almost consistently say to “dial” a number, when my guess is 99.99% of people have to actually “press” the numbers? It cracks me up every time!

  2. Phone conversation is fast becoming a forgotten art, but Lisa and I try to keep it alive.

  3. Being such close friends have you thought of mental telepathy?
    Great post!!!

    • We knew you were going to say that. Don’t ever challenge us in charades – it’s like we really do have telepathy…

  4. I do the same thing with me friend…my long distance is free, hers is not, so she emails me to tell me to call her and then the gabfest begins.

    came over via Maria’s blog.

    • Gee, email. Don’t we feel silly now? (considering if we’re not on the phone we’re online…or both!)

  5. I love this post. My BFF and I used to send cassette tapes to one another (stop laughing… this was in the 80’s and 90’s and it really was clever and fun) until the day that my cassette player broke and I couldn’t find another. We were finally shut down by the progression of technology. We now call each others cell phones and leave long, drawn out messages. Every once in a while, we connect. Speaking of messages, if one of you Lisas want a lesson in message retrieval, I’m your gal. Just let me know. Call my cell and just hang up – I’ll know it’s you. TTYL.

    • I can’t believe I never thought of swapping cassettes with my cousins and distant friends! I want to go back in time now! I demand a do-over!

      I’d take you up on that message retrieval lesson, but I’ve got to go on ebay and look for a cassette player and a time machine. TTYL

  6. Here’s my caller ID: I always keep my home answering machine on. If someone begins to leave a message and I’d like to talk to that person, I pick up the phone.

    P.S. I only use my cell phone to call my husband when I have a flat tire.

    • I call my husband on my cell when I have a flat tire and he tells me to call AAA. “Oh yeah,” I say.

      My dream is to one day figure out how to program AAA into speed dial. I get a lot of flat tires.

  7. Everyone knows I keep my cell phone on “one beep” ring and never answer it. I do check Voice Mail…..every couple days or so.

  8. Love the blog girls. I dont have caller ID or call waiting either… horrors!!! I still talk to my BFF Sally many times a week. In the old days when my kids were little and I had more time, we would talk sometimes three, sometimes two and always once a day.

  9. When I was little, my family used a similar signal when my oldest sister was away at college. She’d call collect and ask for my deceased great-grandfather. We’d say he wasn’t there and then call her back at the regular rate.

    Do they still have collect?

    • Ha! What a great scam! Wouldn’t your sister have freaked if someone had actually answered!?

      My uncle goes by his middle name , but was named after my (deceased) grandfather. When my mother first got caller ID, her brother showed up as his given name and it looked like a call from Grandpa from beyond the grave – VERY disconcerting.

      I’m guessing they still have collect calls for jail prisoners and other tourists.

  10. Hello, Lisas,
    It’s me again. Since you liked the last one so much, I have another award for you over on my blog. This one is a little less work and a little more fun than the last one. Enjoy!

  11. “Squeed”??? I think I like it!

  12. Pingback: BOX OF ROCKS Hits Readers | Lisa & Lisa Write a Book

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