We Lisas like to consider ourselves twenty-first century women. It makes us sound young and fresh. And besides, only one of us has a bathroom big enough to accommodate petticoat hoops. So we cheerfully waved the 1900’s goodbye, if not good riddance, to usher in the millennium, faces to the sun, high on hope and full of expectation.
That was ten years ago. Ten very long, somewhat boring, occasionally terrifying years. We were full of something alright, but beware: expectations will bite you in the bloomers every time.
Here’s the thing, it’s not like we have any desire to go back to the horrors of dial-up internet or sticky-keyed manual typewriters. We own and use computers – notebooks and netbooks even (although one of us has to share with family members) and by and large technology is our friend. But there are certain things that elude us, for any, or all, of the following reasons: we’re old-fashioned, lazy, lacking in abilities or just plain skinflint.
Because we talk to each other on the phone for hours every week, you would think we would be oh so au courant with the most modern of telephonic equipment. Au contraire, mon frere/ma soeur.
#1 Lisa cannot manage more than the absolute basics when it comes to cell phones. It took several years to convince her that the voice mail feature was indeed operational, and several more years before she discovered her password. She has yet to retrieve a message.
Mostly we stick to land lines. And we have a system that is entirely primitive and somewhat embarrassing. We are only sharing this information in the hope that it will allow readers to feel better about their own shortcomings. Neither of us has – are you sitting down? – caller ID. It goes without saying that we don’t have call waiting either. There are probably a multitude of other features we don’t have that we’re not even aware exist. Have they invented a way to fax food yet? Can food be texted? If so, I’m pretty sure we’ll spring for those options, regardless of cost and carpal tunnel damage.
As you can see by our banner photo, proudly displayed at the top of our blog, we don’t object to the tin can method of communication to keep long distance costs down. But here’s our regular, rather pathetic normal telephone method:
#1Lisa has unlimited long distance, B.Lisa does not. B.Lisa will call, let the phone ring once or twice and then hang up. #1Lisa will not pick up, but will instead call her back. Cleverly, we call it The Bat Signal.
It’s almost genius really. Except for a few minor glitches, such as the fact that #1Lisa is convinced there are government agents monitoring her phone and other gremlins determined to keep the Lisas from their appointed seven-hours-at-a-time conversations, it saves B.Lisa a lot of money. Hmm.
We are, however, open to suggestions. If you think you know of a better, cheaper, faster system whereby we can waste long periods of time debating the state of the state, union, housing market, economy, publishing trends, dinner plans, our wardrobes and other matters of national security, we love to hear it. Give us a call – just be sure to hang up after the second ring or you will pay, in more ways than one.