Wean, Weaning, Weaned, Weaner

Our last post on hunting and killing adverbs and adjectives got me thinking about tough love. Which of course led me think about whether animal parents love their babies the way human parents do. The long and short answer: no. Animal mothers do not coddle their young. They give them the tools they need to survive to maturity and then the offspring are on their own; so much so they are often considered competition for valuable resources and chased away, even attacked. Okay, some pack animals are a little more friendly, but even then there are rules.

Rules, rules, rules. I am the Lisa who believes rules are meant for other people. Rules are meant to be broken. Rules are for sissies. No wonder my nerves are raw – the Lisas have been methodically playing by every aspiring-author rule ever written. Even when the rules contradict each other.

Did you know that in 1784 authors were required to wear stove pipe hats when writing in public? Sure, yuk it up, but I’d like to see you concentrate at Starbucks with everyone staring in amazement/horror/jealousy at your chapeau. TOL (The Other Lisa) has it even tougher – public librarians unwilling to share their quill and ink with indigent patrons are subject to thirty lashes, imprisonment and a fine of no more than thirty cents or one week’s salary, whichever is less.

The bottom line? It’s hard not to sympathize with animal mothers who push their young into instant adulthood, especially if the progeny ask to borrow the car and return it with mysterious paint scratches and an empty gas tank. It is easy to sympathize with our fellow Starbucks authors, wild-eyed, mumbling, editing until their work is stripped naked and joyless, all while desperately trying to keep their stove pipe hats from tipping over into their lattes. It’s not as easy as we make it look.

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14 responses to “Wean, Weaning, Weaned, Weaner

  1. It’s a good thing I do my writing at home, because I’m a devout rule-follower, and I don’t have a stove-pipe hat. And whoever decided that wearing a drainpipe on your head was a good idea?

  2. Somehow I can’t picture me in a stove pipe hat….

  3. Who told you how much librarians actually make? The $.30 was a huge secret. I share my quills and ink with no one.
    As for my car – there have been several times that our son has returned it banged up and low on gas. I should stop sharing that along with my writing utensils too.

    • Good news! There’s a rumor your pay freeze may thaw by 2012! Bad news, it’s only a rumor. More bad news, your son called, he ran out of gas on the way to Quills-R-Us.

  4. A fedora, yes. Stovepipe hat, no.

  5. I love you guys! Your writing is funny, entertaining and oddly enough, full of wisdom. Each of us ‘aspiring’ authors should be willing to suffer what ever it takes to achieve our dreams — be that stovepipe hat or thirty lashes . on second thought, maybe not the lashes. . .

    • Yes, we’re odd and we are definitely full of something.
      Seriously, you’re right–we have to struggle through and get to the happy dreamy place where we see our names on a book cover.

      • Did someone mention false lashes? I’ve always wanted to try those but I’m afraid of the glue.

  6. I’ve never been tempted by ‘falsies’ — I’d probably glue my eyes shut!

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