I did fine with 9 minus 9. Then things started to crumble.
In my defense, I was under pressure. I was on hold with my wireless phone company for the second time in as many days. They are holding me hostage. If I had been in my right mind I would have told them they could shove that cute little phone right up their (bleep) using all their collective digits.
I would have done the math in my head by rounding up a penny: $21.40 – 20 = $1.40, which, amazingly, is the exact same amount as some sort of crappy service charge they’ve stuck on the bill.
Never mind that I am so terrible at math that I would have second guessed myself until I confirmed it with a calculator. The several I own were nowhere to be found, and I forgot about the one built into my computer, permanently attached to my lap.
I ended up calculating it on paper, longhand. Yes, by means of crossing out and carrying over. It’s pathetic. Even more pathetic? I’m pleased as punch I can still manage that archaic method. What’s next? I’m thinking of making fire with sticks and stones. Tomorrow I may invent the wheel. Once I’m mobile, I feel a good sack and pillage coming on. I hear there are these cool new things called crossbows.
By the way, anyone have a spare abacus lying around?
P.S. A little shout out to our friend Karla for implanting the word “shame” into my subconcious. Funny every time.
P.P.S. In a pathetic attempt to tie “longhand” into what is normally a writing blog, I will now use the word ‘cursive’ in a sentence: Lisa’s typing is still better than her printing, which is nearly as illegible as her cursive. Class dismissed.