When Lisa 1 writes a blog entry, I usually consider my role as TOL (The Other Lisa) to be contained in editing. At the most I add a postscript. In the case of this post, I feel compelled to warn all readers: The follwing blog is a disturbing leap into TMIland Lisa-style. Read at your own risk. The Lisas will not be held responsible.
I am thinking of changing my rogue eyebrow feeler’s name from Old Wiry to “Laverne,” and naming the stray mole hair “Shirley.” I seem to have a compulsion for naming individual body parts. Fortunately this applies almost exclusively to my own body parts. That’s all I am allowed to say about that.
Running a washcloth across my face this morning I was stopped by Old Wiry. (OW for short. Now there’s the perfect name.) When OW makes its appearance, it’s like a copper wire surgically implanted into my brow line. And plucking? Let’s just say my friend OW puts the ow in ouch. That freaky boar bristle has a root that pierces my toe nails.
Moving on to Shirley. Shirley is the opposite of OW. She’s delicate, fine, harder than hell to see without my granny glasses and can grow at the rate of about six to twelve inches overnight. On length alone I’m pretty sure Shirley could tickle friends and lovers from across a crowed room. Please don’t tell my husband I have friends.
Why am I regaling you with my woe-begotten tale of rogue body hair? The moral of the story is Oprah. Isn’t it always? Oprah interviewed several older Hollywood actresses recently, and I caught Cybil Shepherd saying she quit looking in the mirror when she felt old. I did not catch at which exact age that was – I suspect it was not the unripe age the hairy, yet youthful, Lisas are enjoying.
I think I’m looking forward to not obsessively gawking at every new wrinkle, bulging vein, liver spot and wild sprout. But I am worried that when I stop looking altogether it means the end of personal hygiene as we know it. Neither alternative is pretty. Aging is not pretty. Is there another choice, please? Any volunteers to wax my eyebrows or at least give me general anesthesia while I go after OW? Anybody? Anybody?
See if the Lisas put you on the acknowledgement page of our book. Make that books. Best-sellers. Blockbusters, made-for-TV, big screen, multi-media mega-wonders.
Grovel, grovel you say? Sure, we accept groveling. Also Visa, Mastercard and Paypal. We knew you’d come around.