Valiant readers of this blog will recall that the Lisas plan to invade London in the fall. Plan is the key word here. Entire presidential campaigns have included less strategy, discussion and all-around quibbling than just one of the Lisas B&B decisions.
However, we have finally confirmed our choices. We know where we will be eating scones in the mornings. We know which stately homes will receive our gracious patronage. We are terribly, terribly excited. Yes, we’re absolutely thrilled to be spending our life savings to soak in Jolly Olde England. We tried to go cheap, but apparently there isn’t such a thing in all Great Britain. Except a couple of places which seemed to be part hotel, part fungus farm. And folks, we seriously considered the fungus farm. We did reserve a room in a university dorm, yes, a dorm, in London to save a few pounds.
So, in the interest of retaining a tiny fraction of our savings so we can retire somewhere other than our children’s basements, or the least rodent inhabited alley we can find, we are seeking a sponsor for the trip. Take note prospective benefactors! Our standards are “least rodent filled”. We are a bargain! Answer our desperate pleas (you can tell the desperation by the exclamation points!) and show us the money, honey.
Possible sponsors include, but are not limited to:
McVitie’s–This fine company, maker of delicious digestive biscuits, is our first choice. On a former trip to England, OneLisa became addicted to McVitie’s wholemeal digestives. They are incredibly expensive to buy in the States, so at the end of the holiday she will be throwing out all her old undies (read: they’re all old) and using the extra luggage space to take home many, many biscuit packets. She may also have a fiendish plan to dump all of Lisa2’s clothes as well–imagine her surprise and delight to find a suitcase full of biscuits when we arrive back in the States. What a good friend! They just don’t make ’em like OneLisa anymore.
McVities! We love you! Give us cookies and dough and make us the center of an advertising campaign targeting the huge demographic that is middle-aged American women who swoon over digestive biscuits.
Top Gear–To say that the Lisas enjoy the madcap antics of Jeremy, Richard and James would be to use far too much British restraint. We adore them! We revel in them! Well, we adore James, think Richard looks quite sweet and feel that Jeremy can be annoying, but he makes up for that by living in a town named Chipping Norton. All is forgiven anyone who lives in such a melodious sounding town.
Dear Top Gear producers: our motto for the trip is “Keep Calm and Careen On”. That alone should be enough to give us a prime spot on your excellent programme. Follow our madcap antics as we careen about in a rental car, terrorizing the populace of southwestern England. If only we were celebrities, a whole week of episodes could be renamed “Driving with the Stars in a Reasonably Priced Rental Car.”
Cadbury–Although not helpful for the negotiating table, it can be admitted here among friends that the Lisas would sell themselves out (in an advertising sense) for a lifetime supply of the Egg ‘n’ Spoon Chocolate Mousse candies OneLisa spotted on the Cadbury website. Or perhaps a vacation-time supply?
British companies–our tour of England will take us through the hotspots of your fair country: Budleigh Salterton, Beer, Lostwithiel and Mere to name just a few. Get in on the ground floor of this exciting venture! Don’t let Iceland reap all the glory. We have a huge, massive, influential following. Even a guy in Canada. (Did we mention we’re giving you first shot over Iceland?) Because we actually are going there as well. But more about that icy adventure next time…